The next Soul Meditation along the Fool’s Journey is with Jugdement. I entered the meditation along a path through a foreboding mountain range. The Path was treacherous, with a sheer cliff face dropping off on one side, and shooting straight up on the other side. The path wound along the cliff to a towering, 20 foot tall, stone gate. This was a path with purpose, hard to find, and not meant to be traveled by many. One must seek the path to find it, and then it still is not easily discovered. The key I brought clicked in the lock on the gate with the sound of many small mechanical devices unwinding. I then pushed back the great gates to enter into a widening of the path into a narrow valley. A long lake filled the valley floor, surrounded by towering jagged peaks. There was a stillness and quiet to this mountain lake that filled me with tense expectation.
The light in the sky was that of predawn. All over the lake, people sat in little coffin shaped boxes, waiting for the rising of the sun. The people closest to me gently gestured for me to get into my own box. Terror rose up in my heart at the idea but I pushed down my fear and moved forward anyway. I set first one foot, and then the other, into the box. The bottom of the box was made of branches tied together so the whole box tipped precariously when I stepped in and floated on the water. I stood very deliberately and gingerly, as if I was just learning to surf the waves and managing to balance.
Then the sun peaked above the mountaintops and all around me the people began to stand and reach their arms up towards the sun. I was off-balance and unsure of myself in my little floating coffin box on the water. I was afraid to look up into the sky, even after I had raised my arms and finally found my balance. What would I see in the bright light of the sky above me? I sensed a presence that was otherworldly and worried that it would be disapproving of me. Then I heard the name of Gabriel in the meditation and knew it was safe to look skyward.
Here was my angel spirit guide! Gabriel is always with me, ready to take me into his embrace and fortify me. I gazed up into the sky and saw the angel reaching down to take my hands. I put my hands into his and stepped up into the sky to stand with within his wings. Gabriel spoke to me, and told me that I need to be more open. I need to work on reaching out to others. The fear I felt in my heart to look up into the light of the sky, shows my tendency to hide my own light inside of me. This is the potential inside of me that is unrealized. I’m afraid to accept my spirituality and show it to others. My heart is a burning ball of light that I’m blocking. Gabriel told me that he believes in me and will support me on my journey to self acceptance. This self esteem will lead to greater inclusion of others into my personal world in order to share my light and help guide other's toward their inner light.
Gabriel reassured me with his messages and helped me back into my floating coffin box. Together we filled the box with all of my regrets and bad memories. We then closed the box and sent it floating across the lake, receding into nothingness. It felt surreal to watch the box disappear into the horizon, lifting a weight of worries off my shoulders. This meditation brought a true sense of absolution to my heart.
Then Gabriel gave me a gift. At first glance I thought he was handing me a swaddled infant, but when I looked down it was actually a puppy, a small fluffy white ball of licks and wags. Here was my animal spirit guide returned to me! I interpreted this as a message to reacquaint myself with the freshness and innocence of The Fool. I’m not ready yet to complete this full cycle along the Fool's Journey, but the potential for endings and beginnings is all around me. I can learn to accept my inner calling, to open up to that hot glow inside of me. I’m still scared though, and I think others won’t like my spirituality and think I’m new agey and religious. Perhaps there iss a way to ease people into it, into me, little by little. That is my mission now.
In this Soul Meditation, Gabriel game me a dog to help me grow and heal. I've been constantly daydreaming about getting a dog soon, so this also feels like a message that a dog will greatly add to my life on a spiritual level. I left the Judgement meditation knowing my inner calling and needing to make that leap to accept it and work with it. I'm excited to do the meditation with The World next, as it will be the last one on Biddy Tarot's meditation journey through the Major Arcana!