V of Pentacles and Grumpy Pants

V of Pentacles Shadowscapes Tarot There are some cards in the tarot deck that just aren't my favorites to draw. Recently, I did an exercise I found on James Wells' Circle Ways blog, whereby I got to know myself and my tarot deck (the Shadowscapes Tarot by Stephanie Piu-Mun) by categorizing the cards into three piles:  like, dislike, neutral.  This was a very interesting and insightful little exercise that showed me certain themes, color schemes,  and images that attract and repulse me in the cards.  One theme that stood out to me during this exercise is that I'm draw to images of powerful female characters and put off by downtrodden or pained female images. One of these sad images of a woman in the Shadowscapes deck is the V of Pentacles.  So, I was less than exuberant to draw this as my card of the day this morning.  But alas, one must confront even the unpleasant aspects of life and self that the tarot represents so I set to really investigating this image.

One thing I noticed about the woman in the V of Pentacles is that she is covering her face, her posture an almost basking sprawl inward.  She is focusing only inside, seemingly in a melodrama of woeful self-indulgence.  This focus is particularly upon the pentacles that rest heavily upon her head.  What she doesn't see are the other pentacles glowing above, in a what I perceive as a universe of possibility right in easy sight.  She also misses out on her helpful lizard and butterfly friends and also the lengths her heart will climb into the universe to help her out of her despair.I interpreted the card as a destructive, selfish inward preoccupation with some physical or practical lack.  As usual, I may be hung up on the lack of time left in the weekend, having a little pity party for myself that it's Sunday already, I didn't get my whole weekend to do list accomplished, and now I have to get ready to go back to that office I'm beginning to loath.  Ok, maybe loath is a strong word, but couldn't we have three day weekends?!

What did I miss out on today by indulging in these negative, moody, pessimistic emotions? Perhaps nothing, but perhaps something- who knows!   I do know that my little butterfly did try to come by with sunshine and speak sweet words in my ear and I just told her I was hungry and didn't want to talk on the phone.  I didn't spend anytime looking up at the sky and don't know if the stars are out, if the moon is above the horizon, or if my heart wants to break free and soar. When I draw a card like this, it's one thing to know how I feel and how I'm reacting but it's another thing entirely to accept it, or change it, or move on.  It's funny how this self-awareness isn't always the magic key to getting out of a shitty mood.   Oh well, maybe I'll just read a book and pretend it's still Saturday night...